Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
