I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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