you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
third nipple confirmed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
