apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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