We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
