Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
