did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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