I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
