is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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