the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
