My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
