I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you win again, gameday.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
