I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize