Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
pray to the hookup gods
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
