He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
