Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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