How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
