Screwed.edu
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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