I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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