I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
