dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
