i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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