Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
