Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
