yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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