wat bout pragnant strippers??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
