I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
