Your dad touched me again.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
