By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
