Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Life is so much better after having sex.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
