I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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