Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
