Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I will die if light touches me.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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