dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
