so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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