I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
