I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
