K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
