Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
