I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
