I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
