I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
