my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
