dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize