I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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