At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
