I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
