I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
