turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
