My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
