I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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