I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
