just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
