He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
