my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
