Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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