i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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