I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
