he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
