He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
did i walk over a car last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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