I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
