i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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