Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's always time for handjobs
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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