shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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