The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
