Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
