She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
