and you said cock pushups were impossible
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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